Who are you in the kitchen?

1: The #OnlyForInsta Cook

Your kitchen isn’t for cooking. Hell, no. It’s for getting some sweet Instagram shots to boost your following. Your tactical skills as an influencer are far more advanced than your culinary skills. You just make everything look so good.

You remodel your kitchen every year in accordance with Elle Décor. Eclectic boho chic was so last year. This year, it’s all about dusty pink and brass handles.

All your ingredients are all lined up in matching mason jars for all to see on the open shelving (maca powder, acai berries, farro, teff, hemp oil, watermelon seeds). Your Wusthof knives are on display next to your Mauviel copper saucepans. But you don’t actually cook with all of these, right?

You’re a dedicated Gousto subscriber so you can prep like a boss for that killer #truecooks shot and then bin everything quickly because it’s totally messing up your marble worktops and splashbacks.

Coming soon: The Popty-Pinger